Monday, October 25, 2010

A Little Humor for Today

Today I'm sharing an article a friend sent to me. No matter ones age, there are times when most of us shudder when we have to call about an issue that will put us in an endless round of pushing buttons to get yet one more recorded instruction. Or have had issue with a bank on something from a missed deposit or charges we feel unfair. Below is how one elderly lady handled the situation and it gave me a good laugh. Hats off to her for being innovative on a situation that had her thoroughly pissed off.


Older Lady's Letter to Bank

Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an Older woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don 't make old People mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

6 comments:

Lena Austin said...

That was brilliant.

SiNn said...

the question now is did he followthrew lmao greta post i needed apickme up

Helen Hardt said...

Love it!

Lizzie said...

Thanks all. I enjoyed it too and thought it needed to be shared. Gave me a much needed pick-me-up when I read it.

Lizzie

Tianna said...

OMG you gotta tweet this I was laughing my butt off. I am so tempted to write such a letter myself to my former large bank. Now I'm w/a local credit union!

Lizzie said...

It made my day when I read it, Tianna. I've had a couple of 'bank' experiences and wish I'd done something like this.

Feel free to tweet the link around if you'd like!